I went to a Spring Training game today with my big brother, Scooter. Dodgers - Giants. It was a good game - the score was tied for a lot of the time and the Giants made loads of errors. Scott and I were sitting near a few very vocal Dodger fans, too, so that was fun. It was a beautiful day for baseball, if a bit on the windy side. We had seats in the shade. It was nice.
It felt good to get up at a decent hour and get out of the house for a few hours. I hadn't been to a game since last year. My dad took me to an Angels game at Diablo stadium. We'd talked for years about going to a Spring Training game and finally I told him, look, you've got brain cancer, it's now or never. I was joking at the time but I'm so glad he got tickets because that was the last game we went to together. Scott got my dad D-backs tickets for his birthday but they were for a game on September 1st and on that day my father was unconscious in the hospital. He died eight days later.
I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately. I've heard that it's common for a fresh wave of grief to hit about six months after the fact and it's been true for me, and for my mother. It's terribly frustrating. I feel like I'm making progress in my grief and then something will happen that sets me off again and I feel like I did when my dad was in the hospital and we didn't know what had happened to him.
I am so tired of grieving. I'm tired of everything reminding me of my dad. At the same time though I don't want it to stop because I need to be reminded of him. I need those memories. They're all I have.
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Were you at the stadium in Scottsdale? I work at the hospital across the street. I park in the parking garage north of the stadium for work and usually drive home for lunch (it's only 5 minutes.) But when spring training rolls around I have to stay at the hospital for lunch because I won't have a place to park if I leave!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you enjoyed the game. I'm always a little jealous of those people so close, enjoying the weather and the beautiful outdoors while I'm stuck inside. I keep telling myself one of these days I'm going to make it to a game, too.
I was indeed at Scottsdale Stadium. My brother parked the car in front of an office building a few blocks away so we walked a bit to get there, but hey, free parking!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your dad, mine passed just under 2 years ago in a motorcycle accident. It's hard to deal and no matter how much time passes, it will always hurt. Grief is the most terrible feeling, and I think it rides along there with guilt. Kind of stabs at you at times where you don't need it and it is unexpected.
ReplyDeleteDeepest wishes to you, there is nothing in the world like losing your father.