Insert power tool sounds here

Everyone, a round of applause please. I didn't completely screw up.

Allow me to explain (not that you could stop me as I'm the one typing). Last week my mother picked out some hardware for her curtains - just a little something from Target. But Mom isn't the handiest person in the world, and I know my way around a driver drill. So it fell to me to install the curtain rod brackets.

I needed a 3/16" drill bit. I didn't have a 3/16" drill bit. I went to Home Depot (motto: "You can do it; we can't help) and found a set of drill bits for cheap. I figure I'm going to be doing more drilling around the house so it was worth getting.

I climbed on top of the desk. Level and tape measure in hand (and pencil in the other hand), I carefully marked where to drill pilot holes. I loosened the drill chuck and inserted the drill bit. I tightened the chuck. I moved to start drilling. The drill bit fell out.

This happened twice.

I tightened the hell out of the chuck and the bit stayed put. The drill wasn't making much progress at first but for once I was patient. It went in. I double-checked with my level before drilling the other two holes on either side of the first one. I held up a bracket and marked where to drill the second set of holes. I drilled said holes.

I moved to screw the brackets in. Apparently, in my clumsy attempts to drill a decent pilot hole, I drilled too deep. There was nothing for the screws to grab on to. Two of the three brackets came halfway out when I touched them.

I spent a moment fuming and cursing. Then I found the plastic wall anchors. I tried to slide one in. It would not fit. I took a hammer and made it fit. I'm sure the neighbors suspected at this point that our home had been invaded by a number of particularly vindictive woodpeckers, but given the auto-repair sounds that emanate from their garage at 3am, I wasn't particularly concerned about that.

I screwed in a bracket. The screw was tight but that was good - I didn't want the bloody thing falling out of the wall once the curtains were up. One wall anchor ended up in there a little wonky so the screw wouldn't go in properly. It's mostly in now - I think I stripped it in my attempts to get it in.

I inhaled a large quantity of sawdust and very nearly messed up the bloody wall.

But I didn't. I didn't completely screw up after all. Yay, me!

Yawn.

I'm tired.

I don't know why I'm so tired; I didn't do anything all day. I spent most of it playing video games, snacking, and trying to work up the energy to do something productive.

I suppose the fact that I slept poorly last night can't help much. But I'm used to sleeping poorly, so I'm not sure that's it. I'm still not convinced I'm not getting sick. My throat's been kind of funny for a week or so and I've had a perpetual sinus headache.

I reckon it's time. I haven't been sick since ... November, I think. I usually get sick every few months.

I'm just ounces of fun today.

TV gives so much and asks so little

I've spent this Sunday night doing exactly what I did last Sunday night, which is to say, I've been watching "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" for the past, oh, five hours or so. They'll show three episodes and then repeat them, so if I've missed the first half hour of the first episode, I can see it after the third episode. I miss very little, however, so I end up watching each episode twice.

Which is just as well, as I find that I don't pay very much attention to it the first time. I'm usually going through magazines or working the NY Times crossword puzzle or messing about on the computer. I get restless if I just sit there and watch TV. I do best when I'm doing several things at once, even if that means I'm not doing any one thing very well.

I've had a headache all this week. I've been getting migraines since I was eleven or so. I've taken just about every drug made for them but nothing works particularly well. The only thing that's happened is that now I can't stand peppermint.

One of the drugs I took was this tablet that melts on the tongue. As the tongue is where the taste buds are, the tablet was flavored - peppermint flavored. I took it for months even though it did very little, and now every time I smell peppermint I get a headache and nausea. Thanks, drug companies!

I wonder how many times now I've seen this ad for "Top Chef." It's got to be ... like, twenty. I think I have it memorized now. Not that I need to see a commercial twenty times to memorize it. I've got one of those brains that remembers annoying things fairly easily (if you ever want to hear the Charmin toilet paper jingle, just ask).

Hmm ... I didn't like the third episode. I don't think I want to watch it again. Off to bed then.

Too much of a good thing ... or a bad thing

I think I have a blogging addiction. I've got four or five already and here I go with one more.

Up To No Good is of course my main blog, but it's more of a humorous rant sort of place, and I feel odd doing daily/weekly/monthly/whatever updates because it takes away from the general snark of the site, which is irritating. So, because Blogger has yet to limit me, I've started one more blog, this one where I can detail my very busy and exciting (not) life so that people don't have to call my mother and ask, "How's Jill doing?"

I hate it when people do that. If they want to know how I'm doing, why not call me? Talk to me personally. My mother is not my keeper. There's plenty she either does not know or has forgotten.

I digress.

On with the show ...

I'm getting tired of the internet. More specifically, of my internet routine. As recently as four days ago I had a set-in-stone, two-plus hour routine I followed when I powered up my computer. I'd start with one website, move to the second on my mental list, then the third, and so on. I frequented a few message boards as well.

But I was tired and crabby the other day so I neglected my routine. It felt good. So I neglected it again and again. I checked the message boards and no one's missed me yet. Always assuming they will miss me eventually, which I'm not counting on. Apparently I'm not terribly memorable in any meaningful sense and I've been wasting time with my 200+ posts a week. No one has said a word, not so much as a "Hey, Jill hasn't posted in four days. How strange," or something like that.

I expect entirely too much. I always have. That's my problem. One of my problems, I should say; I've got several.

Sigh.

I can be funny, I know that. Every so often I'll have this burst of snarky brilliance and come up with something terribly clever. But you know something? It's exhausting. I hate it when people tell me, "Oh, your status updates/blogs are so funny!" Because then I feel like I have to keep it up, and I don't know if I have it in me. Confession time: I actually have a five-page list of funny status updates to use because I am generally incapable of being spontaneously clever. Every night when I go to update my status, I click on statusupdates.doc and see what fits my mood or the day.

I do the same thing with blogs, by the way. I don't just sit down and have a flash of an idea and type it all out and end up being funny or clever. I have to be in the mood, I have to have a full belly, I have to be well-rested, and I have to be a certain type of bored. When I'm on, I'm on, and I'll churn out six or seven blogs at a time and, every two or three days or so, pick one to post. And the top vote-getter in my Pathetic Blog Poll #3 (child beauty pageants) is something I've yet to come up with something mind-blowingly funny about.

Dammit. I just ended a sentence in a proposition. I hate it when I do that. Which reminds me of a joke ... a Southern woman is talking to a stuffy Englishwoman at the store, and asks her cheerfully, "So, where are you from?"
The Englishwoman replies, "I'm from a place where it is considered improper to end a sentence with a proposition."
The Southern woman thinks about this for a second, then says, "So, where are you from, B---h?"

But I'm just that way. I judge others on their command of the English language. And I'm completely unapologetic about it. I value intelligence more than education, and there an alarming number of college graduates who are unable to diagram a simple sentence.

Where was I?

Beauty Pageants. Right. In any case, I had a few fairly intelligent thoughts about them after watching a program on TLC called "Toddlers & Tiaras." So I used them as a possible topic on my blog poll, and promptly forgot said intelligent thoughts. I meant to watch the Miss America pageant on TV tonight, but at the very beginning as the contestants introduced themselves, all Miss Arizona had to say about our great state was that the Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl.

Click.

I have a terrific migraine. I think I'm going to bed.